Men’s rights: A silent issue.

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It is common these days to hear a lot about the fight for women’s rights and we tend to forget that even men’s rights are violated. On social media, we witness a lot of accusations that men violate women’s rights a lot. Which is true. My question is, are men’s rights not violated also? Don’t they have to be heard?

There are some scenarios where women are the ones violating men’s rights, the victims range from; husbands, sons, employers, or colleagues.

One day I was having a drink with a colleague, and as we were having a conversation, we reached on the issues of men’s struggles. He told me that as I’m still young and not married yet I have to be cautious when it comes to women and especially planning the marriage. He told me that things are changing a lot when a woman accuses you, your chance to explain yourself and your facts to be valued it has a low chance. This is a repeated scenario with different men, in different circumstances.

The law on prevention and punishment of gender-based violence defines gender-based violence as any act that results in bodily, psychological, sexual, and economic harm to somebody just because they are female or male. Such act result in the deprivation of freedom and negative consequences. This violence may be exercised within or outside households.[1] The law clearly shows us that gender-based violence is not a thing of one gender and not the other. 

Although not as widespread, violence against men exists in Rwanda, and male victims should not be ignored. We should all feel concerned and ready to fight it as a society. Women remain the primary victims. According to Rwanda’s Demographic and Health Survey report published by the National Institute of Statistics (2019/20); 37% of women and girls who are aged between 15-49, had experienced physical or sexual, or psychological violence. The corresponding proportions among men are 30%. The same report indicated that 46% of ever-married women and 18% of ever-married men have experienced spousal, physical, sexual, or emotional violence.[2] It is clear that men face gender-based violence, even though it is in small scale but they are also victims of gender-based violence.

RWAMREC, known as Rwanda Men's Resource Centre, an NGO striving to reach out to men in order to promote gender equality, positive masculinities, and male engagement approaches in development programs in Rwanda and beyond.[3] In their annual report of 2021 on the issue of gender justice, believe that men must be engaged to recognize and create a space for women’s rights and that gender equality cannot be achieved without creating gender-just institutions and mechanisms based on gender focused policy and legal frameworks.[4] Even with this NGO known with a reputation to deal with men’s rights it’s clear that they prepare men to respect women’s right not really working on men’s rights. In their philosophy is to prepare men to respect women’s right. What will happen when men’s rights are violated by women and it becomes a norm? There is a sad reality in our society where some women use the privilege, they have got from being protected and promoted in terms of reviving their dignity in the society but with some cases they wrongly use it.

Some stories circulate in the hood, some women telling their husbands or other men they offend and tell them ‘’touch me and you will see what will happen to you’’. Because they know that they are protected they use victim mentality and abuse men’s right. The law on prevention and punishment of gender-based violence is clear on who can be a victim, it’s a man or a woman.

In some cases, men found themselves helpless when they face domestic violence and they can’t explain their view in the society or to the authority. Rights groups have call for equal attention to men facing domestic violence. Even though the numbers of reported domestic violence against men are still low, the rights groups indicate that given the cultural and societal connotation of masculinity force them not reach out for help. In a marriage of more than ten years between Kayitare (not his real name) and his wife is full of many unpleasant memories that kept haunting him. “When she comes home drunk, she more often beats me up. Most of the time, when she comes home drunk, she starts by verbally abuse. He said that he has been trying the mediation but he gave up as nothing has been changing,” Kayitare, a resident of Kibagabaga sector in Gasabo district told Rwanda Today.[5]

The concept of “gender equity” which is a cross cutting issue and important for the development for all, is misunderstood. It is generally taken to mean “women” instead “balanced opportunity” between women and men, girl and boy. In Rwanda, gender-based violence against men is still a complex issue where men have behaviors of hiding various acts of gender-based violence against them by women. GBV against men in Rwanda is rooted in our cultural or religious philosophies, and numerous social circumstances creating unfit power relations and gender norms, which men use to keep silent about gender-based violence against them. It is noted that only women and few men come in contact with Isange one stop-centers, where victims are given psychological medical support, and offered legal aid, since men survivors hesitate to speak out and share their experiences. According to statistics from the National Police (2017), there is increase of number of men victims of gender-based violence although some of the cases are usually not reported to police where women are perpetrators. Other views are echoed by other gender activists. Gender based violence against men by women is even more taboo and even less studied or recognized. Imvaho Nshya journal N0 3962 published on 28th November 2016 reported that, as it has been confirmed by women and men of Karambi Sector, Nyamasheke District many families have been destroyed because of GBV directed to men. Some men have testified that they hate going back home in fear of harassment and beatings by their wives during the night. Those citizens argue that these misunderstandings in families are due to the low gender equity mindset of women. They explain that women no longer fulfill their duties in families; some of them become drunkards and threaten their husband to call police if they try to say anything. It is against this background that men prefer to abandon their families and some of them even commit suicide.[6]

 I witnessed some scenarios at school both primary ad secondary school. In some scenarios where a girl would provoke a boy and when that boy would tend to beat the girl and the girl would say that I’m gonna report you to the school officials and no one is gonna believe your story. If a child would grow with that mentality, we should not be surprised to find out future wives who beat their husbands and uses the GBV card to escape or intimidate their victims to stay quiet.

In the United States of America, statistics showed that nearly 20 people are abused physically by an intimate partner per minute. Further analysis into this statistic shows that about 1.5 million women and 834,700 men are physically assaulted and/or raped by an intimate partner every year. This prevalence markedly differs when compared to the data from a Nigerian study which reported only five cases of domestic abuse against males in a study of 220,000 cases, a prevalence of only 0.0023%. This is a large difference from data found in the United States of America and is likely to reflect an underreporting of male domestic abuse due to taboos and shame. However, a study by Dass et al. among South African adults showed that domestic violence indeed is a problem too in Africa with rates of 29.3% among women and 20.9% among men. Domestic violence against males is an elusive and serious problem. It can include assaults such as pushing, grabbing, slapping, shoving and hitting which are classified as minor assaults and more serious assaults such as rape and even murder.[7]

Men who are victims of domestic violence tend to keep their feelings deep inside leading to preponderance of the feelings of guilt and shame. This may lead to development of psychological problems such as substance abuse and even suicidal ideation or attempts of suicide if not identified early.[8]

I would like to remind you my dearest readers, that gender-based violence’s victims are not women only. Yes, women are the most victims compared to men but we should not solve one problem and create another one. Men play a big role in our society, and as human beings, we should respect each other’s rights to live in a safe and prosperous society.

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